Living...

I am emerging from a 10 year all out battle with depression. Depression and anxiety have been present in varying degrees, varying intensities over various seasons of the past 10 years. I haven't shared much of that in the few moments of life I have blogged about... of course I haven't blogged much of anything over the past few months... but all that to say that blogging was something I felt the Lord call me to as He was healing me... and HE HAS HEALED ME! This summer marked a full calendar year without ANY depression. PRAISE HIM!

I am learning (again) the joy of LIVING this life. The truth of Psalm 16:11 is so near to my heart, my life... You will make known to me the path of LIFE; in Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever.

Almost daily I have these moments where I find myself living... that may not make sense to anyone but me... but it is the most glorious thing! It is as if the Lord quickens my spirit to draw all of my attention, every bit of who I am to the simple truth that He has me on the path of life. These moments occur randomly in the mundane moments of cleaning house, to driving down the interstate, to the spectacular moments standing atop a volcano in Nicaragua.

Home.

Recently I was asked if I was EVER going to update the blog... apparently, I fell off the wagon... the blogging wagon, that is. I believe it has been over a month since my last post. I honestly cannot tell you why that is... there have been PLENTY of blog-worthy moments, lessons, etc. 

Life has been moving at warp speed - or at least it seems that way. I have been doing my best to hold on with all that I have... what I am learning from this place is how firmly all that I have is being held. Firmly. In the grasp of Father God. 

Friday night I was driving to meet two of my favorite people for a movie... as I drove my mind was all over the place. Out of nowhere a song from Little Big Town popped into my mind... had it been any other song - it would have been random - but this particular song and I have history. Weird? Maybe. 

A few years back I was wrestling with a big time hurt - I had complained and wallowed in my hurt with anyone who would listen. The hurt just would not subside. Even I got tired of hearing me talk about it! Have you ever been there? I was driving to Atlanta with my hurt and this new song from Little Big Town came on the radio. 

With the lyrics came an invitation from the heart of Father God: Bring it on Home to Me. It was one of those moments where the heavens parted and God spoke directly to my heart, to my hurt through the lyrics of this Country song. By the song's end, He had built the bridge that enabled me to get over it. 

So fast forward to Friday night... four years later... as I am driving to meet friends this specific line keeps going over and over in my mind:

I know what you need, so bring it on home to me. 

I whipped out the handy iPod, found the tune, pressed play and listened to His heart for me... His invitation...  and I brought it all home - and found rest... just as He promises ~ "Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly." Matthew 11: 28-30 (MSG)

Tired? Check. Worn out? Check. Living freely and lightly? I'm in. Recover my life? Please. How I long to learn the unforced rhythms of grace. 

So I want to share this song with you... not so much from Little Big Town, although they sing it wonderfully, but rather, from Father God - whatever your carrying, wherever you are, He wants to make it alright. He loves you more than life.  He who created you knows exactly what you need. So hear Him singing this over you now. 

MOJO on the Links

On Sunday, Kevin took me golfing. We had an absolute blast together! It was phenomenal for many reasons... 

* Our round of golf was complimentary... free is always fabulous!

* I had a personal coach - he's the pro in our family!  

* He's easy on the eyes too! The other scenery (i.e. the course) was beautiful.

* The weather ~ gorgeous. sunny. 59 degrees.

* My golf game had moments of brilliance.

*First time in my illustrious golf game - I teed off and successfully crossed a body of water. 

* I impressed my coach when I chipped onto the green and was this close to the hole.

* I didn't lose my MOJO. 

 Small disclaimer: I did temporarily misplace my MOJO on #7... but it was recovered on #8.

Check the logo...who knew that Nike produced a golf ball with the name MOJO?

Thank you Nike... while my golf skills do not afford me the ability to review this product based on performance, it TOTALLY provided plenty of entertainment~ to the point that I will play with MOJO in the future. 

*I played a full round of golf... that was a first as well. 

There might just be an LPGA tour in my future. 

Heart Day '09

Last year, Valentine's Day came and went... and I don't remember much. I was groggy from the pain medicine. Days before Heart Day '08 I was scheduled for surgery to remove a kidney stone that was lodged ~ the stone reeked havoc on my kidney as well... it was swollen and PAINFUL... so the stone was removed and a stint was put in its place to prevent any further damage.... 

Heart Day '09 ~ on the list of best days ever! What made the day so special was the incredible THOUGHT that Kev put into everything. He planned a night totally outside of the box to places I had only briefly mentioned in conversation... places we had never been together. He brought me flowers and a singing card. The night included dinner at Park Tavern, which offers a phenomenal view of the Atlanta skyline, chocolate covered strawberries (my fave), and a stroll in the Virginia Highlands- with gelato!  

Kev had wanted to include painting pottery on our date- but had not found a place to do so. He mentioned this over lunch ~ and I was just impressed that he had thought of it. We were about to head back to the car when Kev walked ahead of me a couple of storefronts and began laughing, "Babe, you have got to come see this." 

There it was... 

It was way more than a place to paint dishes. ... 

It was a tangible moment with the heart of God... a reminder that He discerns our going out and is familiar with all of our ways. He knows exactly where we are ~ and where to find a pottery playhouse in greater Atlanta. He is so intimately acquainted with all that we do. 

How great is the THOUGHT that He puts in to all that we are.

I HEART HIM! 

My Mr. Darcy...

With only a year and a half under our belts, Kev and I are still rather new to this whole marriage gig... so, it was refreshing to read what Beth had to say about marriage on the "bewitching" day of Valentine's... wait for it... "You have bewitched me body and soul... and I love, I love, I love you"... ahhh... Mr. Darcy... that interchange from Pride and Prejudice might just be my all-time favorite. I can remember watching that movie as a single gal (more than once) ~ teary-eyed with hopes and dreams of a someday with my own Mr. Darcy.... 

Each hope, every dream... fulfilled, surpassed. There are the tangibles ~ Kev has the most gorgeous blue eyes... prayed for those...specifically. He is financially savvy. He is a man of prayer and encouragement. Then, there are those things beyond what I could hope for or imagine. Kev is steadfast. He is faithful. About 3 months into our relationship the Lord told Kev that I was his wife. He believed and stood strong in faith over the next two and a half years as my waging battle with depression and anxiety worsened... He endured and loved me through FOUR break-ups. It was not a pretty process... it was not a neat relationship... but tonight... we praised God for our story... because it is the evidence of things hoped for... our story is a cord of three strands that is not quickly broken (Eccl 4:12). Even in my complete brokenness, the strand of God held us together. Even in the deepest, darkest place the God strand strengthened Kevin - and the two came after me... and with the most steadfast, patient, unwavering, loving determination - they lifted me out of the muck and mire. 

Tonight in the most precious time of prayer... I realized, still only in part, how far the Lord has surpassed my hopes and dreams. Thank you Lord, for being the God of Ephesians 3:20... Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]. (Amplified)

***Kev, you have bewitched me body and soul... and I love, I love, I love you. Thank you for being joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12) 

He's just that enthralled with you!

Friday night a group of us gals went to dinner and a movie to celebrate the birthday of an amazing friend. We took in the new flick He's Just Not That Into You, along with the rest of the world... I say this because 1) we had to sit in the very front row of a very large theater and 2) the movie grossed over 10 million dollars on Friday night alone. 

Anyway, as I sat through this movie I was impressed with the stellar ensemble of  actors, I laughed here and there, but between the beginning and the end my heart broke. As I began to drive home, I could not shake the feeling of sadness... I soon realized I felt like someone had just broken up with me. As a somewhat newly married that felt TOTALLY out of place. I soon began to recognize that what the movie offered about love, commitment, relationships, sex, and marriage originated from a culture, a world that I am to be in, but not of.  This world is not to be my pattern, nor am I to conform to all that it offers. So, my heart was breaking... it was broken... for a world, a man, a woman, a child, any and everyone who does not know Love Himself. 

My heart also broke for those dearest friends of mine who are still waiting for that future relationship, for that Godly man to come along... and I want to remind you ~ he will come! 

I want you to know that you know that you know that you are the exception, not the rule... that the God of Psalm 139 who fearfully and wonderfully made you, knows your deepest longings and desires - when He skillfully wrought you together in the secret place it was Him that placed those desires within you. He will not forsake the work of His hands. He will never leave you nor forsake you. He is enthralled by your beauty, you make His heart beat faster. You never leave His thoughts and He has written your name on the palm of His hands. He is crazy in love with you. 

I know our God does not change ~ He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He was faithful to me, to my heart, to my wait...  I know it easy to doubt, question, lose heart and wonder why... I vividly still remember the tears of singleness... but I know that I know that I know that God has someone set apart precisely for you... and I am praying for you...and that blessed man! 

Now, stop for a moment and think of Love Himself - and How He Loves Us...

CAMP who?

Camp Lulu is not a 10,000 acre encampment in the rolling hills of anywhere. It is not a physical place to ship the children from June 'til August...  

Instead, it is the name chosen for a place, a blog I have decided to start. To blog or not to blog has been a question on my heart for a while... blogging seems daunting to me for some reason... that has already proven true for simply naming this blog... one thing about me is that I love and truly desire for things to have significance ~ even silly things like the name of a blog. So why CAMP LULU?  

*ACTS 2:26 best describes the place from which I live and breath. A lengthy battle with depression and anxiety has revealed the glorious truth of the hope that is in Jesus Christ. Hope... its the land in which I have pitched my tent! 

* CAMP? Well, simply, that is what you do when you pitch a tent~ you camp.... but the significance stems from a family vacation to Disney World about 4 years ago. My husband and I were dating at the time. For the first couple of days Kevin wore t-shirts from a couple of camps he had worked the previous summer... my sister bestowed upon him a new nickname... and CAMP KEVIN was born. It's been somewhat of a family joke ever since. 

*LULU was a childhood nickname given to me by my maternal grandfather. Hands down, the most influential man of my childhood, my life. I loved that nickname - but no where in the vicinity of how much I love that man. He's been in heaven now for almost 8 years... his departure from this earth has made heaven an even sweeter place... and recently I learned that Lulu means "famous warrior." I am a warrior... fighting for the abundant life promised in John 10:10 and not allowing the enemy to steal, kill or destroy me ~ especially with the flaming arrows of depression or anxiety!  

Well, that's CAMP LULU. Blogging ~ still daunting... but, I'm already at the end of my first post!